Knowledge | Fertility Treatment Through Natural Conception
Like five million other Americans, Candace and Alan Saylor (not their real names) desperately wanted a child but had been unable to conceive. After consulting a doctor, they were advised to have frequent intercourse during Candace’s most fertile period.
Although this may sound ideal, it can be stressful for couples experiencing infertility. “I did not want to be the woman tapping her watch and saying, ‘Now,’ so I tried creative ways to entice him,” Candace says. They focused more on foreplay to avoid seeing each other only as an “egg producer” and a “sperm provider.” “I tried to see my husband as a sexy man, not just the person who had not gotten me pregnant,” she says. Before intercourse, she sometimes focused on the parts of his body she found especially attractive to help arouse her desire.
The approach clearly worked: their daughter Caitlin is now three years old.
1
The Challenge of Timed Intercourse
Many couples still trying to conceive say sex can become tedious when it must be scheduled around repeated laboratory tests or the timing most likely to maximize success. Spontaneous sex is replaced by intercourse on a schedule.
Other pressures may include loss of self-esteem, such as feeling like a failure because pregnancy has not occurred, and the financial burden of fertility treatment. Several strategies can reduce these negative effects.
2
Different Responses Between Partners
Experts say partners should understand that their responses may differ. “A woman may feel disconnected from her body in this situation and may find it difficult to experience sexual desire,” says Dr. Andrea Braverman, director of psychological services at Women’s Institute for Fertility, Endocrinology and Menopause in Philadelphia. She may feel reduced to her ovaries and wonder, “If I cannot become pregnant, what is the point of sex?”
Low desire can reduce natural lubrication and make sex painful, leading to even less frequent intercourse, Dr. Braverman says.
“A man may feel like only a sperm donor and become so detached that he has difficulty getting an erection or reaching orgasm,” says Dr. Anthony Thomas, a urologist at Cleveland Clinic Foundation in Ohio. Some men may even pretend to climax to end intercourse, he adds.
3
Reducing Pressure
Both partners should avoid shifting into “performance” mode. It may help to recognize that the fertile window is longer than movies and television often suggest, where characters rush to have sex during a lunch break. Dr. Thomas notes that sperm can survive in cervical mucus for about five days.
Couples experiencing infertility are often advised to have intercourse every other day around ovulation, usually near day 14 of the menstrual cycle. Ovulation can be detected with a urine test or by monitoring changes in vaginal discharge.
Sex should not be limited to ovulation. Unless a doctor advises otherwise, couples should have sex throughout the month, not only when they believe conception is possible. Clinical psychologist Dr. Leslie Schover says this can separate sex from conception and make it a natural part of life again.
4
Enjoy Sex, Not Only Reproduction
It is important to view sex as pleasure rather than a task. “We tried to have fun—having sex in different rooms, going to a hotel, and having a date beforehand,” Alan recalls.
“Create a romantic atmosphere with activities such as bathing together and massage,” Dr. Schover suggests. This may also be a good time to explore sexual fantasies and erotic interests.
5
Seek Support
Professional counselors and infertility support groups such as Resolve can often help. Couples may find practical advice, a place to share feelings, and reassurance that they are not alone. Informal conversations with couples who have overcome infertility may also help. Looking back, Candace says staying positive and looking forward to welcoming a new family member helped most.
Knowledge | Fertility Treatment Through Natural Conception
Knowledge | Fertility Treatment Through Natural Conception
Like five million other Americans, Candace and Alan Saylor (not their real names) desperately wanted a child but had been unable to conceive. After consulting a doctor, they were advised to have frequent intercourse during Candace’s most fertile period.
Although this may sound ideal, it can be stressful for couples experiencing infertility. “I did not want to be the woman tapping her watch and saying, ‘Now,’ so I tried creative ways to entice him,” Candace says. They focused more on foreplay to avoid seeing each other only as an “egg producer” and a “sperm provider.” “I tried to see my husband as a sexy man, not just the person who had not gotten me pregnant,” she says. Before intercourse, she sometimes focused on the parts of his body she found especially attractive to help arouse her desire.
The approach clearly worked: their daughter Caitlin is now three years old.
1
The Challenge of Timed Intercourse
Many couples still trying to conceive say sex can become tedious when it must be scheduled around repeated laboratory tests or the timing most likely to maximize success. Spontaneous sex is replaced by intercourse on a schedule.
Other pressures may include loss of self-esteem, such as feeling like a failure because pregnancy has not occurred, and the financial burden of fertility treatment. Several strategies can reduce these negative effects.
2
Different Responses Between Partners
Experts say partners should understand that their responses may differ. “A woman may feel disconnected from her body in this situation and may find it difficult to experience sexual desire,” says Dr. Andrea Braverman, director of psychological services at Women’s Institute for Fertility, Endocrinology and Menopause in Philadelphia. She may feel reduced to her ovaries and wonder, “If I cannot become pregnant, what is the point of sex?”
Low desire can reduce natural lubrication and make sex painful, leading to even less frequent intercourse, Dr. Braverman says.
“A man may feel like only a sperm donor and become so detached that he has difficulty getting an erection or reaching orgasm,” says Dr. Anthony Thomas, a urologist at Cleveland Clinic Foundation in Ohio. Some men may even pretend to climax to end intercourse, he adds.
3
Reducing Pressure
Both partners should avoid shifting into “performance” mode. It may help to recognize that the fertile window is longer than movies and television often suggest, where characters rush to have sex during a lunch break. Dr. Thomas notes that sperm can survive in cervical mucus for about five days.
Couples experiencing infertility are often advised to have intercourse every other day around ovulation, usually near day 14 of the menstrual cycle. Ovulation can be detected with a urine test or by monitoring changes in vaginal discharge.
Sex should not be limited to ovulation. Unless a doctor advises otherwise, couples should have sex throughout the month, not only when they believe conception is possible. Clinical psychologist Dr. Leslie Schover says this can separate sex from conception and make it a natural part of life again.
4
Enjoy Sex, Not Only Reproduction
It is important to view sex as pleasure rather than a task. “We tried to have fun—having sex in different rooms, going to a hotel, and having a date beforehand,” Alan recalls.
“Create a romantic atmosphere with activities such as bathing together and massage,” Dr. Schover suggests. This may also be a good time to explore sexual fantasies and erotic interests.
5
Seek Support
Professional counselors and infertility support groups such as Resolve can often help. Couples may find practical advice, a place to share feelings, and reassurance that they are not alone. Informal conversations with couples who have overcome infertility may also help. Looking back, Candace says staying positive and looking forward to welcoming a new family member helped most.
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