Guide | Erectile dysfunction can affect men and relationships: how women can approach a problem that is not their fault
Erectile dysfunction (ED) can be deeply distressing for men and their partners. In a relationship, sexual difficulties may affect not only sex, but also trust, self-esteem, and the relationship itself.
Beth, a pseudonym, was engaged to a man with ED, but the relationship ended. “It really destroyed a relationship,” she said. Her fiancé sometimes blamed her despite acknowledging his erectile difficulties. Repeated blame led her to doubt herself and damaged her confidence.
Sexual dysfunction does not affect men alone
“Many women subconsciously wonder whether they are attractive enough,” explained Dr. Karen Donahey, director of the Sex and Marital Therapy Program at Northwestern University Medical Center. “Even if a man repeatedly says it is not her fault, doubts may remain.”
She emphasized that women with a strong sense of self-worth may be less affected and better able to support their partners.
ED is common. An estimated 30 million U.S. men and more than 140 million men worldwide may be affected. Most men experience some degree of sexual dysfunction at some point.
In a Pfizer study on ED, women rated the effect of a partner’s erectile difficulties on quality of life above menopausal symptoms, infertility, allergies, obesity, and insomnia. ED is both a physical issue for men and an emotional challenge for couples.
Women respond to a partner’s ED in different ways
Dr. Janice Lipsky, a marketing director on Pfizer’s sexual-health team, identified four common patterns in a focus-group study:
Overcomers: acknowledge the problem and work together on solutions.
Resigners: acknowledge the problem but give up on treatment.
Avoiders: avoid the issue and refuse to discuss it.
Alienators: withdraw in anger, belittle their partner, or seek comfort elsewhere.
Dr. Donahey noted that anger often predates the sexual problem and may reflect hidden marital conflict. In these cases, couples counseling may be more appropriate before sex therapy.
Communication is essential
“Talking about it is the most important first step,” said Dr. Marian Dunn, director of the Center for Human Sexuality at SUNY Health Science Center. ED is difficult to discuss, but silence may further harm the relationship.
Sandy, a pseudonym, had been dating a man with ED for six months. “We keep working on communication, and it has helped a great deal,” she said. Encouraging medical evaluation and having honest conversations brought them closer, released anger and frustration, and helped them face the difficulty together.
Dr. Lipsky added: “Women are not responsible for a man’s ED, but many play an important role in encouraging men to seek treatment.”
Broaden the definition of sex and rebuild intimacy
Dr. Donahey said ED treatment is also an opportunity to reconsider sex and intimacy. Men’s sexual responses change with age, as women’s do. A man may respond to visual stimulation at age 20 but need more direct physical stimulation after 40. This is a natural physical change, not evidence that attraction has disappeared.
She encouraged couples to move beyond the idea that sex equals penetration. Manual stimulation, oral sex, hugging, and kissing can all provide pleasure and intimacy. Men can also have an orgasm without an erection.
Fear of failure leads some couples to stop all physical contact, increasing distance. Donahey advised couples not to make intercourse the sole measure of their relationship, because physical intimacy is important to relationship stability.
Guide | Erectile dysfunction can affect men and relationships: how women can approach a problem that is not their fault
Guide | Erectile dysfunction can affect men and relationships: how women can approach a problem that is not their fault
Erectile dysfunction (ED) can be deeply distressing for men and their partners. In a relationship, sexual difficulties may affect not only sex, but also trust, self-esteem, and the relationship itself.
Beth, a pseudonym, was engaged to a man with ED, but the relationship ended. “It really destroyed a relationship,” she said. Her fiancé sometimes blamed her despite acknowledging his erectile difficulties. Repeated blame led her to doubt herself and damaged her confidence.
Sexual dysfunction does not affect men alone
“Many women subconsciously wonder whether they are attractive enough,” explained Dr. Karen Donahey, director of the Sex and Marital Therapy Program at Northwestern University Medical Center. “Even if a man repeatedly says it is not her fault, doubts may remain.”
She emphasized that women with a strong sense of self-worth may be less affected and better able to support their partners.
ED is common. An estimated 30 million U.S. men and more than 140 million men worldwide may be affected. Most men experience some degree of sexual dysfunction at some point.
In a Pfizer study on ED, women rated the effect of a partner’s erectile difficulties on quality of life above menopausal symptoms, infertility, allergies, obesity, and insomnia. ED is both a physical issue for men and an emotional challenge for couples.
Women respond to a partner’s ED in different ways
Dr. Janice Lipsky, a marketing director on Pfizer’s sexual-health team, identified four common patterns in a focus-group study:
Overcomers: acknowledge the problem and work together on solutions.
Resigners: acknowledge the problem but give up on treatment.
Avoiders: avoid the issue and refuse to discuss it.
Alienators: withdraw in anger, belittle their partner, or seek comfort elsewhere.
Dr. Donahey noted that anger often predates the sexual problem and may reflect hidden marital conflict. In these cases, couples counseling may be more appropriate before sex therapy.
Communication is essential
“Talking about it is the most important first step,” said Dr. Marian Dunn, director of the Center for Human Sexuality at SUNY Health Science Center. ED is difficult to discuss, but silence may further harm the relationship.
Sandy, a pseudonym, had been dating a man with ED for six months. “We keep working on communication, and it has helped a great deal,” she said. Encouraging medical evaluation and having honest conversations brought them closer, released anger and frustration, and helped them face the difficulty together.
Dr. Lipsky added: “Women are not responsible for a man’s ED, but many play an important role in encouraging men to seek treatment.”
Broaden the definition of sex and rebuild intimacy
Dr. Donahey said ED treatment is also an opportunity to reconsider sex and intimacy. Men’s sexual responses change with age, as women’s do. A man may respond to visual stimulation at age 20 but need more direct physical stimulation after 40. This is a natural physical change, not evidence that attraction has disappeared.
She encouraged couples to move beyond the idea that sex equals penetration. Manual stimulation, oral sex, hugging, and kissing can all provide pleasure and intimacy. Men can also have an orgasm without an erection.
Fear of failure leads some couples to stop all physical contact, increasing distance. Donahey advised couples not to make intercourse the sole measure of their relationship, because physical intimacy is important to relationship stability.
Source:
Collected online